Definitly Getting Stretched…

Along with planning fundraisers, I’ve been holding down a job. My first thoughts, this job was totally from God. It still could be, and now the longer I’m there, I’m beginning to really think it was from Him. The past couple of months I have really been struggling with this job. My boss hates anything to do with church, to the point of, if he hears me talking about going to something church related..he makes it to where I am to loaded up with work to go, or he sets a required time that I have to be there..which usually ends up, me missing church all together. He does these teachings on Fridays that doesnt really sit right in my spirit. But there is a reason I am there. Ive applied to other jobs and no answers. 

 

This week, I helped with moving my boss and his family of 8 kids into there new house. That was on a Monday. From Tuesday on, Ive been babysitting the 8 kids. When they tried to get me to do this before, I was so NOT for it. 8 Kids!!! The oldest being 15 and the youngest being 2 years old. Somehow, it happend, and I got them everyday this week. Through the 2 year olds life crisis and breakdowns, through the sibling rivalry, through everything. It wasnt as bad as I thought. And my boss told me that this was good practice since I would be going to Brazil to work with children. What?! I haven’t breathed a word to him about this, not even about the fundraisers. My strength has grown enormously in the past week. Instead of feeling in a funk everytime I leave, Im actually energized and pumped. Something has changed. When would I have ever agreed to taking care of 8 kids at one time by myself?? Teenagers that talk back and test every boundary that you set?? A two-year old that has a melt-down because she cant understand why she cant stick a metal object into the light socket?? Never!!! But it happend. I heard my bosses wife talking to him about getting me to do this full-time, everyday….am I ready for that?? Sure, at least I’d have nap time to read and study in my bible!!!

He Changed My Plans….

So, I’ve been working on getting another benefit concert planned. After last years concert..I wasn’t really planning on doing another one, but after Aaron from This Fires Embrace called me, the date was set and the plans were getting planned. This was probably a month or two ago. Well, now its today, and all the details are set. Bands contacted, people in place…were just waiting for the day to arrive. But God wanted to change it up a little. We have 4 Bands, and thats alot. I was wondering how it was going to all work, but everything is working well.

 

I went to go hear, ‘Carry The Wounded’, play last night. They are an amazing band!!! There were a couple bands before them that were amazing two..one of them being ‘All Lines Parallel’ When they started playing…I felt God. I dont know how to describe it but it felt like they were dripping Jesus everywhere they went. I started hearing the word ‘5′ in my head. Kinda weird because I responded with….’but we already have the four picked out’ again the same number came again ‘5′….to which I respoonded….’No! We already have all the details worked out, 4 is enough.’ Again, ‘5′. So I said, ‘Ok, God, if this is really you telling me that you want a 5th band playing the benefit concert….you are going to have to make it loud and clear to me, because I think we have enough already’. Then I heard the number again. So I was like whatever. Near the end of the concert. One of the band members walked up to me and told me they heard I was doing a concert August 2nd and they wanted in. There it was. I told them, ok….but on the way home I started wondering if that was really God or just me and my thoughts…..I asked him if he would really make it obvious that it was Him that was telling me to change everything…….

 

I got home and went on myspace to request them as friends, this is how Im communicating with all the bands right now. So Im waiting for their page to upload, praying the whole time. And yeah…the first thing that popped up on there screen…

 

A song, it’s name……

 

Erin’s Song

 

So, now we have a 5th band.

This Past Month…..

This past month has been pretty crazy. Growing in my faith, going through really good times and really trying times. Ive learned a lot. One thing that I have never liked was being ‘the head of’ something…like being the planner. Ive always been in the background doing what was needed, being a follower. In this past month, God has been stretching me and teaching me. Teaching me how to be a leader. Although I tried backing out of a few things a couple times…it seems to reappear in a different way the next time, same thing. 

 

I started praying about the whole Brazil 6 month thing. I am totally scared to death, but thats my flesh talking. Im scared of the unkown, leaving my comfort zone, the comforts I have hear, knowing I wont have them there. The fear of the unknown. I started praying hard. I wanted to know this internship was from God, that this IS what he wants me to do. I asked him to close the doors if its not from him. I prayed that prayer multiple times. What I thought would happen, didnt. The doors only opened wider….now its up to me to walk through them.

 

The fundraisers that I was starting to plan, I thought they would fail. I didnt think much about it. I had fun and still am having fun planning them. And its kinda funny, nothing happens till I hand it over to God. I get the details ready, kind of like a presentation, and I present it to God…yes its exactly like it sounds. I sit there, type everything out, do the math, the layouts…print it out. And I sit there praying, out loud. I tell God the plans. Show him the timeline or whatever I might have (Just like he is sitting there next to me) and then I give it to him. He is the manager of all my fundraisers. If its gonna happen, its only going to because He is in it. Nothing happens ever till I hand it over to him…it makes me laugh. With all the fundraisers planned now, it wasnt til I sat there and told God all about it, that things started happening! Im stoked, and amazed that God would use me to help his people in a country so far away…even here in NC, being able to love on people here that dont know Him for who he really is! He is using me at my current job..my friends are starting to ask questions!! Maybe thats why Im still there. God has a mission for me…

Changing it up….

Sunday at Lifepoint lit a fire in me. I’ve been planning on going back to Brazil for sometime now…but I started focusing on everything that wasn’t working out instead of everything that was. To be honest…I started getting stuck on me! I stopped reading the bible so much and started going by what others were saying. Even if it was wrong. I was starting to believe the lies satan was telling me. Sunday got me fired up. I’m done with focusing on myself, at least trying to be done. My biggest struggle is my mind. I analyze, over analyze to the point where I get so frustrated and angry…Ill quit. I can’t do that anymore. I have to learn to depend on God and where he is leading me..where he has called me. 

 

Im making a few changes to start this journey yet again.

#1 Im going to make things simple. Sell the things that I dont really need. Im moving to Brazil and I cant take the ‘things’ with me. A yardsale is in the plans. The money I get from that, I will put it towards raising my funds to get to Brazil. 

 

#2 The money left over from my paychecks after I pay my bills will be going into the funds for Brazil. I dont need all these extra things. Again, what am I going to do with them. It’s just stuff. 

 

#3 Get to know who God really is, in my life. See what he means to me. Dig as deep as I can into Him and get a real relationship going. 

 

#4 Work on the fundraisers!! This is proving to actually be a lot of fun. 

 

#5 Start praying really hard for others, focusing on what I can do to help them.

 

#6 Learn a new way to guide my analyzing into something useful. Instead of letting it get me in a funk, try figuring out a way to help instead of hurt.

 

Im making a list tonight of more goals Im working on, these were just off the top of my head for now. I need everyones prayers cause I know, just by even thinking about Brazil again and wanting to get closer to God….satan has put out a warrant on me…and Im not about to give up my position as a Child of God. I have to be here for something…and I want to figure it out. So begins the journey again. And I think its going to be even crazier then last time. I will write more later!!

Crazy Idea…

So Im already brainstorming the next fundraiser…..

A ROCK-A-THON

What is  it you may ask….

(Hint… It has to do with Rocking Chairs!!!)

More details to come Soon!!!

Moving On…

These past couple of days have been better….Im trying to let go of everything that happend with my boyfriend. And no, I don’t think were going to date anymore. I don’t know if I could ever trust him again like I did. It took alot anyways to trust him and now that it was broken that bad…I don’t think it would ever be the same. So yeah he is now my ex but I still love him and want to help even though I know there is probably no way that I can help. Lastest update, I talked to him day before yesterday and he said he was waiting for Monday, today, and he was going to go to the hospital and tell them he was addicted to heroin, and then tell them he was going to kill himself. Hearing that makes my heart hurt. If that is the only way he thinks he can get help, then I guess thats a good way. He wanted to hang out at Waffle house the other night when I was talking to him…but I kinda forgot…on purpose…I dont think I could have handled it, who knows. So thats where everything is at for now. I tried calling him today and his phone is powered off, so I dont know if thats because hes in the hospital now or he is just out of minutes. I’m praying everything is going ok. I want to fix things, my nature, but this time, I dont think I can

Crazy Week…

My boyfriend that I’ve been dating for awhile now got in some major trouble the other day. Not what I was thinking was going to happen. Everything last week felt weird anyway. My boyfriend also started acting weird. I’d invite him over for dinner, which he always came over almost every night. So I thought it was kind of strange the first night when he didnt show up and didnt answer his phone. I invited him over three different times, all times he was saying that he was coming over, then he wouldnt. He was already lazy at work, we would have to do his work for him, so that was nothing unusual.

But the other day, two detectives walked in and asked if this guy worked here, my boyfriend. All I knew, is what I heard. He had stolen $2,000 worth of products from my work and sold them to the people we get the stuff from. He was stealing. I was like…great…good one. That is the stupidest thing you could do. But it didnt end there. My boss called everyone into the room after the detectives left and said that we were to say our good-byes to him. He told us what he had stolen and that the money was used then to feed his Heroin addiction!! WHAT!!!

I never knew he was doing any drugs…he told me that he didnt do drugs and that he rarely drank. WHATEVER!!! It makes me wonder why he wanted me to be his girlfriend anyways. Was it him, or was it the drugs talking through him. Everything that he has ever told me…it was all lies. He said he was in this relationship for the long-run, that he wasnt going anywhere….and the bad thing…I fell for it. I love him. I put total trust him. It takes me a long time, especially in a dating relationship to even think about trusting the guy…which thats why I usually end up not dating. But he stole my heart. If he needed anything, I’d help. But now I know the truth. And people keep saying…at least I found out ahead of time. But really, this sucks. The first real time that I actually totally opened up and actually cared deeply for someone that I love…and it was all lies. How did I not see the track marks on his arms?? How could I be so stupid not to realize that he was using?? I never trusted guys before…why now…and then this??

Meet My New Guys….

This is Moose….

The petstores told me to not expect him to live but two days…hes now on his first week and is eating like a pig!! They told me that he would only eat 1 cricket every other day….he is eating 4 crickets a day. The name Moose fits him, He is strong and I dont think he is going to be going anywhere anytime soon, not if I can help it.

This is Simon….

One of the things my boyfriend aquired before his whole fall-out was a kitten. He got him like two days ago….He then left with his dog and left Simon. So instead of having to take him to the shelter…I took him. He looks kinda funny, he is a Paradactyle Manx, which he has 6 toes on both front feet (so his hands look like mittens) and a short tail. He is a really awesome loving kitten and he rocks. I got a bout a million cat toys and he is just awesome. He follows me around everywhere, a great new addition. He is now officially spoiled!!

He’s So Tiny!

I ended up driving across town today to rescue my chameleon…they used the second address as the delivery site, my old roommates house. The box he arrived in was sitting inside on a table behind a locked door, thankfully there was a realtor there to give him to me. I about flipped out when she grabbed the box and started shaking it sideways as she walked to unlock the door. She didnt know what was in there. I got him and headed home and opened the box when I got inside where it was warm. In this little container sat my little baby chameleon….the size of a quarter!!! He is so adorable. I quickly got him out of the dish he was in and let him into the tank. Then I headed off to work…when I got back home, he was still alive!! The pet store owners keep telling me how incredibly hard it is to keep a baby chameleon, especially the size of mine. Who knows, we will see. I know one thing, Im going to let him be, Im not picking him up anytime soon. The only time Ill open the cage is if Im feeding him. Im going to let everything do its job and just make sure he is doing well. So here is the best picture that I could get of him for now…since Im not all about trying to hold him right now (I want to wait till he gets bigger!) Its a closeup….The vines really arent that big. Im still trying to figure out a name…so thats why I didnt say anything…but here he is:

Aaahh Not Now!!

I have been getting a chameleon tank set up for the past month, I wanted to have it up and running for two weeks make sure I could sustain the temperatures…before i would order my chameleon….i fineally got to order him two nights ago and he arrives tuesday morning….well last night i discovered some of the things i was using are now moldy underneath (The waterfall mechanism the pet store suggested which constantly runs water underneath the substrate + the humidity + the heat + the wrong wood they told me would work wonders + the substrate going bad = Mold) which inturn affected everything. Now everything is toxic and cant be used. This is bad…my little guy arrives Tuesday morning at 10:30am and his tank is no where near ready now. I know Im going to have to scrub the tank…but now I have to figure out a better way to make things work. Maybe I should go back to my old ways of doing things…that always worked. The only pain in the butt part is cleaning out a 29 gallon tank that has millions of shredded pieces of bark and little rocks that are seperated by mesh….ugh. But whatever…doesnt dampen my hopes…this will work, It just takes patience!!