A Hearts Cry…

These past couple days have been a bit crazy. I have a friend..well not really a friend cause I don’t really like or agree with what she says. People talk about how they hate religious people, I have one of them in my life. No matter what I say, she always has an answer to go right along with it. I’m learning alot from this experience. But it’s been tearing me down and the other night it really got to me. She believes no one is perfect, ok I agree with that. But she pokes and pokes until she starts an argumental debate and knowing how I still am, it’s hard to back down….end result being, I’m totally confuse and frustrated and she’s got the last word saying that I’m talking crazy talk. Ugh.

One thing she started was saying that you can’t intentionally sin and be saved. I disagree with that totally, and that would also put her at the point of perfection. Not possible! Jesus said that in John 3:16…’that whosoever believed in Him, shall not perish but have everlasting life’ so all you have to do is believe! The faith of a mustard seed! She then told me..satan believes, so he must be saved. Oh my gosh, are you serious. Of course, satan knows who Jesus is…but he doesn’t trust him, he isn’t trying to grow closer to God, he is trying to destroy the kingdom. So yes, satan knows that Jesus is real but he spends all of his time trying to make people that don’t know Him and even the ones that are already saved, not believe and walk away. This girl has been a christian for at least 4 years. Really high up in the church blah blah blah. But she is trying to discredit everything I believe in. I know God’s promises that he made to me…even if I do struggle to believe them sometime, He made a promise and He isn’t going to break them.

Last night…it got rough. I still struggle with how I deal with stress, usually I stuff it away till it all comes boiling over and I can’t stop it. Well, last night was one of those nights. I love my new job, I love that I’m getting stuff paid off and ahead. But I’m still in the camper/trailer…which I don’t mind…if thats where I’m supposed to be at the moment, thats fine. Then I had another friend walk away. They no longer want to hang out, not really understanding at this point but this hurt really bad. My heart felt like it was ripped into a million pieces. And last night, there was no one to talk to…which made for the perfect time for my God to show up. I cried as hard as I ever had before. I just let Jesus have everything I had. All my hurts, worries, everything. I told him things I didnt understand, I told Him how much I didnt trust him, that I was still scared to trust Him. I told Him that I thought He was angry at me and how I really felt. I cried and talked for a long time. I dont’t think I could even understand my own words through the crying, I gave Him everything, I think He was waiting on that. It’s funny, it felt like a huge storm was going on in my room, like it felt crazy, I dont know how else to describe it, but when I couldn’t talk anymore…the room was quiet, my mind was quiet, I dont know what peace is really supposed to feel like, but I’m pretty sure thats how it felt. The storm was over. Jesus was right there listening to me. I don’t know what happend last night except that I fineally ‘totally’ gave everything to Him….just me and my daddy.

~ by justagirl07 on April 9, 2009.