I fineally had to tell this dude, not mentioning any names. Some of you know what Im talking about. I had to call it quits totally, no communication anymore!! I tried it for awhile, he didnt get the hint…but fineally I guess he learned and after a few talks with a good friend. I didnt hear from him anymore. Then the past two weeks, I thought, ok. Well maybe we can be ‘just friends’ so I started talking to him again. Its only been one and 1/2 days…omg. We met for coffee yesterday, went well. Then last night, I got asked on a ‘coffee and movie date’ by a co-worker from work that I’ve been talking to. I am stoked. (Believe me, nothing is going to happen!)

Anyways, so I put on my FB status that I was going to go have coffee and go see a movie with a guy from work, that I was really excited. The dude that I figured I could be friends with….He got pissed off!!! He wrote me this long email on facebook explaining how Im hurting him and how it hurt him just as bad as his divorce. That he was going to leave lifepoint, because he couldnt stand seeing and being with me in the same room, that he couldnt handle it. He said that I was the only one that he ever loved, that I was the one. That if I wasnt in his life, there was no point to living his life anymore. That Im the only one that he can talk to blah blah blah blah….um. Does anyone else see a problem?? Were not dating, barely friends and he is saying all this??!!

I guess he made the final decision for himself. He made it easy, IM DONE!!! We are no longer friends. And if he leaves, he leaves. Not my choice..its his, he can dig his own hole but Im not crawling into it with him!!

Weird dudes….where do they keep coming from???????

I had been moved out of the apartment for awhile now. I was staying at my mom’s house. Traveling back and forth to work everyday, $130 worth of gas a week. This was a lot of money going towards gas. But, it had to be done. I had some friends that were letting me stay at there place on and off, so I could save a little money. And then, things started getting crazy at my moms house, I guess they were always crazy, but so I guess crazier. My mom said she wanted financial help with the cats, no problem, I can cover that. Then it went from the cats to the phone bill again. She said she didnt have the money for it, so I paid the entire bill, no problem. It set me back some in other areas, but it was taken care of. Something changed overnight though. The last night I was there, that morning, I woke up and she was in a ticked off mood. I dont know why. But ended up in a heated argument. She wanted me to take over the water and the power bill. I cant do that. There is no possible way that i could make it to work everyday, do the phone, the cats, my insurance and those 2 extra bills. She got ticked. She told me if I couldn’t help out with bills then I needed to get out.

So Im back in wilmington again. I was staying a night or two with my friends and also staying at my old apartment, across the hall where the furniture was being kept. Well, the locks got changed on the doors, something my landlord has been saying he was going to do for 2 months, and he just now did it. All I can say is Im thankful I still have my job (For now anyways) and my car, a pathfinder. With my car being paid off totally, I know that its not going anywhere. Lets just say that pathfinders are good for camping out in. Im also thankful that this wasnt the first time this has happend, Ive had plenty of experience since I was younger, so I know what to expect and places to go.

I have some awesome friends that let me take showers and clean up at there house. And I know wet-wipes arent the best cleaning tool, but hey, it worked in Brazil. Its working now! I go to work everyday at my job, determined to make them want to keep me. What else do I have to lose? Maybe I shouldnt say that!

My mouth(teeth) have been hurting for the past couple of months. I fineally was able to go to the dentist yesterday. $3,400 worth of work needs to be done and a root canal…which I only have $1000 to pay towards it. I got a second opinion, my dentist back in shallotte and the price difference isn’t  that much different. The dentist told me that that there were two other teeth that were close to needing a root canal, that if I didnt take care of it soon, then I would need three. Bad thing is…Mountain Dew was the biggest cause. The Dr. said that the acid that is in mountain dew is way more powerful then the acid they use to bind fillings. I wish I knew that back then. There should be a warning label on MD. Seriously.

So…Im back where I was again. Ive learned not to put my hope in things…because they do fade away. It can be there one day and the next, totally gone, with nothing left. Things are things. They are nice to have. But you cant depend on keeping them. Jesus does give and take away. And I said that I wasnt going to stop tithing. So Im pushing forward no matter how bad things hurt right now. Knowing that Thanksgiving is coming up and Christmas, I really dont like holidays. To much junk associated with them, and there big Family days. When your family doesnt or cant do anything. Its just like any other day, all except your on your own, seeing families together laughing and hugging. Seeing people put trees up and cooking food for thanksgiving. I think Im just ready to be normal. trekking through the valley isnt much fun.

I like both of them alot, and I like Mill Creek because it has a screened in porch. But doing the math and pretending I have rent, Ive got the numbers. After paying all the bills, tithing and rent….

At Mill Creek I would have $156.05 the first paycheck left over and $311.05 the second paycheck.

At Quail Forrest I would have $202.05 the first paycheck left over and $357.05 the second paycheck.

That price doesnt include the food, gas and power…whatever bills you have when your living in an apartment. So the difference is like $90+

It will change of course, because I guessed working full-time 80hrs a week at $11.00 an hour. I put my pay being at $750 and my car insurance instead of being $80 I got it reduced to $40+ but I budgeted for it being $80.

So that is where I am at right now. I wont know anything about the job being permanent thing till probably the end of December. Till then, Im pulling $200 out of each paycheck to put towards moving. Im not getting my hopes up, but I am planning ahead. Any Advice??

After much moving and cutting of the bills, I was able to get my budget into the positive!! And it wasnt until I started tithing my money, that I found out I could save more money!! That was not there before!! Out of each paycheck, I can put away $200 towards a new place to live.. in wilmington!! All my bills paid, every month, 25 hours a week…and at least $115 left over for gas and food for 2 weeks. Im not sure if this is a mistake Im not seeing, but from what it looks like, Ill have $800 to put towards a new place December 25th!!! Have I become obsessed with my budget and numbers…maybe?! I hate math. But something about this, is keeping my attention!! And I can tithe again…which makes me incredibly stoked and happy!!

Wilmington Living is on the map again. Till then its time to camp out and focus. Being patient and diligent and honoring God in all areas of my life. Woo-hoo!! I’m ready, bring it on!!

These were just a few of the pictures I took with my camera my friend gave me. I’m figuring out all the App. speeds and F-Stops. The lighting and the tricks I can do with them. I have a lot more but it takes awhile to download them. Im hoping to take more and add them to my myspace sight. This is just the beginning. I gotta get used to this camera..Haha.

Things are still a bit crazy, but they are starting to get smoother (If thats a word!) I got moved out of Mark and Christines, it’s probably been close to a month now. I moved back in with my Mom in Shallotte. Not a very fun place to be, I struggle alot there with a variety of different things. But I have been doing good to keep my focus on Jesus and staying patient. Doing what I think I’m supposed to be doing. I’ve kept to my quiet times everynight, it’s really cool being able to read something, then trying to figure out how I can apply it to the next day. It’s a cool challenge.

I have been driving back and forth everyday to get to work, 45 minutes to work and 45 minutes home. It is costing a butt-load in gas. In a week, $130 goes in my gas tank. That is a little frustrating, ok very frustrating. But for now, this is where God has me. I have been working on cutting back my budget. My car insurance got cut back from $134 to $88.75 a month. Sweet! And Im still working on the phone aspect of it. I had put my mom on my plan when my parents split, I now regret doing that because there is no easy way to get her on her own plan without dishing out a good amount of money. That and she is having trouble understanding why I want her on her own, and she isnt willing to cut back on hers. I am paying her half of the phone bill along with mine this month. This is why. I was questioning tithing. Wether or not you HAD to give. But the more I think about it, that was the times where God got me through some of the toughest times. So I think I’m gonna pick that up and trust God once again to get me through.

I got a job at Costco! Part-time seasonal for now, 25 hours a week at $11 an hour. It’s awesome. I’m hoping at the end of the season, they will pull me on full-time…and from what I have heard, there is a high possibility!!  Let’s see, what else is there…

Besides traveling alot between work and home, finances and parenting. I guess thats about it. I had an awesome birthday with my best friend from Charlotte. I hadn’t seen her in about a year and a half I guess. She stayed Thursday – Sunday. Everyday was loaded down with fun!! I miss having a best friend around!! Then we had a really cool party with some of my friends…that rocked that they showed up, if they didn’t I probably, more then likely, wouldnt have stayed!! Haha!! So I guess thats it for now. I also got an awesome camera, a Nikon D70. Ill start putting up some pictures soon!! Love you guys!!

I feel like I’m right at the place that God wants me to be. Of course I doubt and I question. I don’t know anyone that wouldn’t. And my faith dissappears here and there. But I find myself always coming back to him. Praying under my breath, a constant conversation going on. My cats have even been used as a learning tool. I know, funny. But I was watching them. They’ve put up with alot these past weeks. I’ve made sure they have everything they need. Even toys to keep them happy. But the more I watch them, the more I laugh. Out of all the toys that they have to keep them happy and occupied…they are content with the simplist things. A plastic cap off of a milk carton. A lid off a medicine bottle. They could care less if they have the most awesome toys in the world that squeek and make noises..their content with very little, there happy.

I am taking it day by day. I am happy. A hotel room and a couple bucks. I have all the time in the world right now to worry and be anxious, but why do that?  God is bigger and better. He has always provided for me in one way or another. He is there when I don’t want to be. He loves me with a love of a father, he is my daddy. As long as I focus on him, I should have no worries. Because He is still Risen. He will take care of me. Despite myself getting in the way.

I knew that our place had gotten condemned. Sewage went from the toilets, to the bathtub and onto the floors and walls. I guess with all the other problems we had, this was not a big surprise. God has been leading me towards going and serving my time in Brazil. Since then. Things have gotten way crazy. But continuing to walk by faith, I guess in a way has made me stronger. If all this had of happend a couple years ago..I would have been strung out again, drinking, doing whatever I could to escape the stresses. But I’m here, and I’m fine. I have God on my side. Through testing and trials, you either fail and learn from it, or you succeed. So far, so good.

I got another text from my landlord. We have been in this hotel for I guess, two nights now. I get a text from him saying that it would be best if we found another place to live. That it was to expensive to have 2 tenants living in a 3 bedroom condo with all utilities included. We would have till Sunday to do this. That’s 7 days away. This place was advertised $475 a month each tenant, all utilities were included in this price. We signed a lease. So something about the text isnt sitting right. I think it’s knowing that after Sunday..everything is over. Because our sewage and the tenants sewage above us backed up into our place…we dont have a place anymore.

It’s ok. There is more to this story then I know…then anyone knows. There is something bigger and better one the otherside of all this chaos. He is always there by my side..no matter what. I just have to believe and keep walking forward. This wasnt meant to be a vacation….this is meant to be a Battle!!

I entered into my apartment and ran into the bathroom and as soon as my foot hit the bathroom floor….squish!! The toilet had backed up so much that it had overflowed onto the floor. Nasty Brown water. I immediatly started blowing up my landlords phone. No answers. Only voicemail. About the 5th time, I got an incoming call, it was a plumber!! YYaayy. Or so we thought. He looked and poked around and then came to the conclusion he couldnt help. Then a little while later, another plumber arrived. They were working for at least three hours before they told the landlord that this was very unsafe. Raw sewage, in all three bathrooms, all over the floors and carpet. No longer liveable.

The outcome… July and August rent are no more. We were holding July’s rent till the A/C unit got fixed, but now we dont have to worry about it. Because we no longer rent that unit. So for now…were staying in a hotel. Attacks coming from every which way. Trying to decyfer between God and the enemy. Big prayers needed.