Crazy Idea…

So Im already brainstorming the next fundraiser…..

A ROCK-A-THON

What is  it you may ask….

(Hint… It has to do with Rocking Chairs!!!)

More details to come Soon!!!

Moving On…

These past couple of days have been better….Im trying to let go of everything that happend with my boyfriend. And no, I don’t think were going to date anymore. I don’t know if I could ever trust him again like I did. It took alot anyways to trust him and now that it was broken that bad…I don’t think it would ever be the same. So yeah he is now my ex but I still love him and want to help even though I know there is probably no way that I can help. Lastest update, I talked to him day before yesterday and he said he was waiting for Monday, today, and he was going to go to the hospital and tell them he was addicted to heroin, and then tell them he was going to kill himself. Hearing that makes my heart hurt. If that is the only way he thinks he can get help, then I guess thats a good way. He wanted to hang out at Waffle house the other night when I was talking to him…but I kinda forgot…on purpose…I dont think I could have handled it, who knows. So thats where everything is at for now. I tried calling him today and his phone is powered off, so I dont know if thats because hes in the hospital now or he is just out of minutes. I’m praying everything is going ok. I want to fix things, my nature, but this time, I dont think I can

Crazy Week…

My boyfriend that I’ve been dating for awhile now got in some major trouble the other day. Not what I was thinking was going to happen. Everything last week felt weird anyway. My boyfriend also started acting weird. I’d invite him over for dinner, which he always came over almost every night. So I thought it was kind of strange the first night when he didnt show up and didnt answer his phone. I invited him over three different times, all times he was saying that he was coming over, then he wouldnt. He was already lazy at work, we would have to do his work for him, so that was nothing unusual.

But the other day, two detectives walked in and asked if this guy worked here, my boyfriend. All I knew, is what I heard. He had stolen $2,000 worth of products from my work and sold them to the people we get the stuff from. He was stealing. I was like…great…good one. That is the stupidest thing you could do. But it didnt end there. My boss called everyone into the room after the detectives left and said that we were to say our good-byes to him. He told us what he had stolen and that the money was used then to feed his Heroin addiction!! WHAT!!!

I never knew he was doing any drugs…he told me that he didnt do drugs and that he rarely drank. WHATEVER!!! It makes me wonder why he wanted me to be his girlfriend anyways. Was it him, or was it the drugs talking through him. Everything that he has ever told me…it was all lies. He said he was in this relationship for the long-run, that he wasnt going anywhere….and the bad thing…I fell for it. I love him. I put total trust him. It takes me a long time, especially in a dating relationship to even think about trusting the guy…which thats why I usually end up not dating. But he stole my heart. If he needed anything, I’d help. But now I know the truth. And people keep saying…at least I found out ahead of time. But really, this sucks. The first real time that I actually totally opened up and actually cared deeply for someone that I love…and it was all lies. How did I not see the track marks on his arms?? How could I be so stupid not to realize that he was using?? I never trusted guys before…why now…and then this??

Meet My New Guys….

This is Moose….

The petstores told me to not expect him to live but two days…hes now on his first week and is eating like a pig!! They told me that he would only eat 1 cricket every other day….he is eating 4 crickets a day. The name Moose fits him, He is strong and I dont think he is going to be going anywhere anytime soon, not if I can help it.

This is Simon….

One of the things my boyfriend aquired before his whole fall-out was a kitten. He got him like two days ago….He then left with his dog and left Simon. So instead of having to take him to the shelter…I took him. He looks kinda funny, he is a Paradactyle Manx, which he has 6 toes on both front feet (so his hands look like mittens) and a short tail. He is a really awesome loving kitten and he rocks. I got a bout a million cat toys and he is just awesome. He follows me around everywhere, a great new addition. He is now officially spoiled!!

He’s So Tiny!

I ended up driving across town today to rescue my chameleon…they used the second address as the delivery site, my old roommates house. The box he arrived in was sitting inside on a table behind a locked door, thankfully there was a realtor there to give him to me. I about flipped out when she grabbed the box and started shaking it sideways as she walked to unlock the door. She didnt know what was in there. I got him and headed home and opened the box when I got inside where it was warm. In this little container sat my little baby chameleon….the size of a quarter!!! He is so adorable. I quickly got him out of the dish he was in and let him into the tank. Then I headed off to work…when I got back home, he was still alive!! The pet store owners keep telling me how incredibly hard it is to keep a baby chameleon, especially the size of mine. Who knows, we will see. I know one thing, Im going to let him be, Im not picking him up anytime soon. The only time Ill open the cage is if Im feeding him. Im going to let everything do its job and just make sure he is doing well. So here is the best picture that I could get of him for now…since Im not all about trying to hold him right now (I want to wait till he gets bigger!) Its a closeup….The vines really arent that big. Im still trying to figure out a name…so thats why I didnt say anything…but here he is:

Aaahh Not Now!!

I have been getting a chameleon tank set up for the past month, I wanted to have it up and running for two weeks make sure I could sustain the temperatures…before i would order my chameleon….i fineally got to order him two nights ago and he arrives tuesday morning….well last night i discovered some of the things i was using are now moldy underneath (The waterfall mechanism the pet store suggested which constantly runs water underneath the substrate + the humidity + the heat + the wrong wood they told me would work wonders + the substrate going bad = Mold) which inturn affected everything. Now everything is toxic and cant be used. This is bad…my little guy arrives Tuesday morning at 10:30am and his tank is no where near ready now. I know Im going to have to scrub the tank…but now I have to figure out a better way to make things work. Maybe I should go back to my old ways of doing things…that always worked. The only pain in the butt part is cleaning out a 29 gallon tank that has millions of shredded pieces of bark and little rocks that are seperated by mesh….ugh. But whatever…doesnt dampen my hopes…this will work, It just takes patience!!

Fineally…Something Fun

Tuesday morning there will be a knock at my door….awaiting there will be my new Baby Veiled Chameleon!!! Ive been working on fixing up this tank that was given to me. Its been a really long process, trying to save money and not spend it all at once. Buying a little here and a little there. Ive had the tank up and running for about two weeks now. All the temperatures and the humidity are staying within range where they need to. So its time…..I purchased a baby veiled chameleon online from a breeder. Its only 2 months old. The younger they are, the cheaper. Odd right?? Its because the older they are the less care is needed, its trickyer to keep them healthy when there babies….but I love the challange. I had a chameleon growing up…and out of all the many animals Ive ever had…that had to be my favorite. So this story continues…I will introduce him soon to the blogworld. Post his mugshot up on here..so keep checking back. I know no one else is excited as I am…but thats totally fine…haha i dont care. Im looking for Tuesday to get here!!!

Again!!!

The court date scheduled for the final divorce hearing got re-scheduled again for June. I kinda had a feeling that it would…all the other ones did. I’m not exactly sure what this means except that it’s gonna keep happening and its not over yet…and Im so ready for this junk to be over…um, why get married again??

In other updates…My mom’s Dr. she works for wants me scheduled for an MRI. The knot I have on the back of my head…its caused multiple migraines…they used to be a couple weeks apart, then slowly they started getting closer together. This week has been nothing but migraines on and off during the day/night. And when I get them, thats where it starts and stays on the right side of my head. The newest additions to go with it has been numbness in my back. It goes from the back of my head, down my neck and to this one spot in my back. It makes my back numb like its asleep, weird feeling. And if the migraine gets really bad…then I pass out. Thankfully it’s only happend twice. Im really scared to go to the Dr. I know something is up but I dont want to know what. I have an extremely high pain tolerance…so when something hurts a little…yeah, I usually dont feel it, or I can tolerate it..but this is getting old. I want to run from it even though it might not be anything. It still scares the crap out of me. Im supposed to have the MRI on Tuesday…but I think I might reschedule it till I can get up enough courage to go.

So thats the updates for now…I would be writing more but Im sitting in the Port City Java parking lot using there signal because the one I was using, graduated and moved. Sad, right. Haha.

Court Date Got Moved…Again

Again the court date got moved…this is becoming a normal thing and its really really annoying. Im ready to get it over with, but what can you do!! The new date is said to be either Wednesday or Thursday. Wont know which day until we get the phone call. Its a big pain in the butt…but at least its almost over, right!!

Thoughts About Monday…

Monday is the very last court date for my family. I guess its been about 3 1/2 to 4 years this has been going on. I can say from a childs perspective… divorce Sucks!! People tell me alot of times to be glad that it didnt happen when I was younger. I actually beg to differ!! Even though they might not have gotten divorced then, alot of crap was still going on and my dad was never around, so it seemed like they were already divorced but he would come in and out of our lives always drunk. My best memories of my dad were when he was drunk. I never remember a time when he wasnt. This isnt gossip because he has told everyone and there mother this, he cheated on my mom for 21 of the 31 years they had been married. I can name each woman he has been with. My mom told us not to long ago that the reason they didnt divorce then…was because of us. They wanted us to have a mom and dad together. This is where I beg to differ!! 

 

I would have rather them divorce back then, sure it would have been hard then… but then we wouldnt have had all these memories built up of a father who could care less. A father that has told you to your face that you were a mistake from the beginning. I would have never had to endure that. The things that we went through trying to be a family, ended up falling apart in the end. This is where the divorce came in. I remember the day he left, four days before my birthday!! Its engrained in my mind. Sitting there on the bed wondering what I did wrong. Yes I know many say that its not my fault. But years of hearing that you were the problem and if you hadnt of been there then…statements start impacting the way you think. I do go back and remember the time I was angry at my father because he promised to spend time with me and he chose the lady and his beer over me! I remember stomping up the steps yelling at the top of my lungs that I wish they would get a divorce….fast forward to 3 1/2 – 4 years ago my brother comes walking up to my car, said he found papers underneath dads carseat about how to win everything in a divorce, he said the words..he’s going to divorce our family. And thats what has been going on since.

 

We have been there non-stop for my mom. Almost in a way, feels like we switched roles. Its been like that forever but this time, she was hurting. She didnt want us to hurt either. She came to me on many occasions asking me what she should do about a decision she had to make about my dad and his stuff. I remember, packing his stuff up on my birthday, in big black plastic bags…my mom wailing, and throwing the bags over the bannister at the house. Trying to hold my mom and comfort her, didnt bring much comfort to her. Many times she would call me saying that she couldnt fight anymore, that she wanted to give up. What do you tell your mom when she wants to end everything. Theres not much I could think of to say except hold her and let her cry. 

 

Its been really rough these past couple of years. My brother and sister are holding tight. My sister being the strongest of the three is pretty level-headed. She is my best friend. She is stubborn and when she is done listening, she tunes you out. My brother on the other hand, struggles analyzing everything…this is where i get it from. Trying to make sense of everything when it doesnt make sense. He tried to jump off the bridge in Ocean Isle about a year and a half ago. He stuffs his emotions, just like I do…I guess I learned alot from him. But now he is a father and he is wanting to do everything right, everything that my dad didnt do. Me, I stuff my emotions. I analyze everything. I’m just like my big brother. I get in funky moods. This whole divorce trip has left a huge hole in our hearts. The only thing that has been able to fill the void of my dad is each other. We have tried contacting my dad..he has changed his address and his phone number. The last time I talked to him was probably a month ago when my nephew was born. It seemed as if that was changing things, he acted like he wanted to get involved in our lives…but then he dissappeard. I am supposed to love a dad that was never there!!! I want to even though all the crap that happend but each time I try I get shunned away.

 

This court date will probably be the last time I get to see my dad. Its extremely hard, being in the court room with your mom on one side and your dad on the other side of the room. You can feel the tension. The first thing I wanted to do so badly last time was run to my dad and hug him, which I couldnt, I could only sit and watch. This time isnt going to be any easier. My moms lawyer wants us kids to testify against my dad about how he never paid for anything and that he was always drunk. Even with him not being around, and always being drunk…he is still my father. Being in the court room and holding back tears. Its not my favorite thing to do. Last time I wasnt allowed to talk to him in the court room, he ended up walking out and I asked my mom where he was going, she said he left. I waited a couple minutes and said i was going to the restroom…when really I ran to go find my dad. I found him at the top of the stairs. I told him, ‘I couldn’t be in the same courtroom, not getting to talk to you, and not be able to give you a hug….it was tearing me apart’.  He didnt hug me back, but when I backed off to leave, I saw a tear. How can I choose sides. My insides feel like there ripping apart the closer Monday gets. Please be praying for my family and me.